Friday, January 14, 2011


This morning I woke up quite early, 
earlier than usual, 
and couldn't get myself back to sleep
for those extra 15-20 minutes (which are very precious to me). 

I went through my typical morning ablutions
and was pretty much ready to go,
when I glanced at my calendar
and realized today is January 14, 2011.

(Oh, is that the reason for my malaise?)

For anyone else,
this day is pretty meaningless,
another day in another year
it may be your birthday
(if so, Happy Birthday!).

For me and my brother,
it's the day our dad died.
(January 14, 2001)

At this very moment,
I'm sad that I don't have any
digital photos of my dad,
because he was gone before that phenomenon
became mainstream.

However, I can still remember his voice
and I can picture him (my most vivid memory
is from a week before he died, when we watched Frequency).
I'll let you figure out why that's a weird memory.

He died at the age of 45 and left behind a wife, a daughter, and a son.

Top 20 things my dad has missed since
January, 2001:

1. My first trip to NYC, April 2001.
2. My first job, American Deli (only lasted 3 months).
3. My first car (aka my current car)
4. My second job (co-op at Oak Hill School)
5. My high school graduation (CHS 2002!)
6. Dylan's elementary school graduation
7. Dylan's skateboarding phase
8. Dylan's bass guitar phase
9. Dylan's saxophone phase
10. Both times my brother broke his arm
11. My graduation from The University of Alabama (Dec, 2005)
12. My first trip to Europe (Study abroad at Oxford)
13. My first apartment
14. My first year in grad school
 (aka my only year in grad school- social work is lame-o)
15. Dylan's 16th birthday (and subsequent driver's permit issued to him a year later
after his 17th birthday... yes, I said permit, not license.)
16. The first time I pushed the Camry's limits
and drove it all the way to Indiana.
(That's a feat for my car.)
17. Dylan's high school football career
18. My first boyfriend
19. My engagement (Dec. 2010)
20. My wedding (in April 2011)

Even though I am so excited and anxious
for April to roll around,
I'm bereaved to not share it with my dad.

I think he would really enjoy what Jesse and I have planned.

I also think that he would have loved watching Dylan play football for Bryant.
Seeing Dylan play would have made him extremely proud.

Looking back on all those memories, I am reminded of another
after my dad passed.
One of my former pastors spoke of a heavenly father
during his sermon.

He pointed out that it's important
to acknowledge and love the heavenly father,
especially when that's the only one you have left.

I don't remember the verses he cited,
but I do remember that I felt comforted and ultimately
protected by my heavenly father, doubly so.

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